Last Friday, a good friend lost her 10 year old daughter to a horrible disease known as Niemann-Pick Type C. Google it if you have tissues handy. Its known as "childhood Alzheimer's" because of its degenerative nature and speaking firsthand - it sucks.
I know this friend from a group of moms who used to hang out when we first became moms with our first babies. Thing1 was just a few weeks old when we met and her sweet daughter was almost 1. The funeral was this week and the ladies from our moms' group came in from far and wide to be there for support.(out-of-state, even because after 10 years, life moves people around the country) Sitting in the pew in front of her small casket, I felt stronger for being there shoulder-to-shoulder with them. Surrounded by my sister-warriors-in-motherhood, I was suddenly taken over by how blessed I was to know them all. To have had them in the early days of motherhood to whine/cry/share advice with. Scrapbooking and cooing over our expanding broods. To know that were I to have some sort of major event in my life, these ladies would come to support and help in whatever way they could. Even on my loneliest days when I haven't spoken to any of them in months, knowing I could call any one of them to whine about the insane number of Cheerios on my kitchen floor at any given moment helps me get through the day.
What a gift!
There is another woman in that same group who was one of my best friends for many years. By best friend, I mean know-all-your-junk friend. Know-you-almost-as-well-as-your-husband friend. We had a falling out last June. I definitely contributed to the problem we had. She decided that we would no longer speak. Blocked me on social networks. Left things that were mine outside her door for me to pick up. Like a divorce. The whole moms' group (including her) went to dinner after the services this week to be together again, reminisce and cry some more. As I sat there in the restaurant, I was overcome with a second level of sadness because I miss my friendship with that woman.
But I realized there at dinner, exhausted by emotion, swollen-faced and teary-eyed with my friends, that this earthly baggage we carry around towards each other is exactly that: earth-bound, in-the-moment junk. When we get to heaven, this nonsense of "she hurt my feelings" and "I have issues to work through before I can speak to you again" will. not. matter. at. all. Our Christ-like friendship will be restored to its original grandeur on the streets of gold as we run to hug each other and my friend's sweet daughter.
Jesus wants us to forgive each other over and over again as much for others as for ourselves. Carrying hurt around when you really don't need to is more damaging. It causes more bondage. Its not how He wants us to live. Its a huge leap of faith to truly, deeply forgive someone and allow the restoration of a relationship. I mean, what if they crap on you again? What if your feelings get hurt one more time or fifty more times by the same person? Thats the double sucker-punch combo of forgiveness and grace. I was able in that moment to release much of the frustration, bitterness, and other sinful emotions I had been carrying around in my hurt over the death of a friendship. In the wake of a tragedy such as the death of a child, I am now feeling the dichotomy of sadness for my friend who lost her child and joy of being free of the baggage I have been carrying around. I cannot say that I will ever be able to behave as best friends with this woman again, but I do know that given the opportunity, I would try with all my might. That's enough for me.
What a gift.
I pray that others will get the intensity of this. Its more than the trite "you don't know how much time you have with those you love"... This is eternal. Glorifying God with our friendships here, especially the friendships that need extra grace, is a way to show Christ to others. Let it go, people!! Its piddly peanuts in the sight of eternity. Don't be in bondage. Gift yourself with the freedom of forgiveness of others and a giant pile of grace while you are at it. You never know when you'll be the one who needs it.
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